


hurts like hell

by orphan_account



Category: Cancer Crew, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Multi, abuse is described but not alot, anything4views is ALONE, non-con isnt described but is mentioned, oc thrown in 2 Spice Things Up ;), plotless but im making it work(?)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-07 23:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14681859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Years after FilthyFrankTV ended, Joji is depressed, and music is his only thing anymore. Living in an apartment, he never sees Ian or Max anymore, and it's all taking a toll on him.He realizes that the park isn't always the most relaxing place, and winds up somewhere else.--------chapters are set up by who it mainly focuses on, not by the pov. for ex. "Ch. 1, [character name]". or, if there are multiple characters, "Ch. 1, 3rd"





	1. Ch. 1, Joji

**Author's Note:**

> this story has kind of become a practice thing for me (hence why the rape/abuse isnt really described. i mostly want to focus on the emotional/physical/mental effects on the victim and etc.), so it might go all over the place, it might jump from one thing to another, idk lol

The tar filled his lungs as he inhaled the nasty tasting smoke and nicotine that found its way into his system. He exhaled, which was more of a sigh than an exhale. It’d been years since he discontinued his Filthy Frank channel on YouTube. All his old friends, they had stopped talking some time after he discontinued the channel. He was happy he stopped - he didn’t want to do that shit anymore. Besides, he was still making music, right? Yeah. So he had that going for him. As well as at least hundreds of fans who stuck around, and didn’t stop supporting him.

Sometimes, he gets an urge to get in contact with Max, Ian and Chad. But he never does. Heaving out another loud sigh, he stares at the scenery in front of him. It was magnificent, the way the colors blended. All these pinks, and blues, and purples, and oranges. All sewed together to make a colorful blanket, with clouds to complete the picture. The sun was setting, a perfect summer night, if you ignored all the problems in Joji’s life. He took out his phone, snapped a picture, and posted it on his Instagram, with the caption, “Beautiful summer night here in LA.” He shoved his phone in the pocket of his sweatpants, spit the used cigarette out, and rubbed the remains into the ground. He couldn’t stop thinking about Max, Ian, and Chad. All the fun they had. What happened to it all? Chad stopped uploading, Ian got a girlfriend (if he got married, Joji was never informed), and Max moved back to Australia. That left Joji. He had nothing anymore. He often debated taking his life away from himself, but always stopped himself, saying, “Don’t do it. Everyone will hate you. It’s a selfish thing, anyways.” And afterward, he’d simply sit down, whether it be the couch, his bed, or the floor, and just stare at the noose. And then he’d glance down at the cuts, oh the cuts. There we so many, too many. He had to wear sweaters now, and he needed to stop, but he  _ couldn’t  _ it was just too _ addicting.  _ And then he’d get up, play one of his favorite radios, and head out for a walk. It was always the same, daily.

**He hated this life.**


	2. Ch. 2, Ian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Anisa make plans, and a minor unexpected event occurs in the park. Not exactly warm and friendly, like he'd tried for, but not bad either.

Ian called out to Anisa, the girl who didn’t have a likeable opinion on Nickelback (but he still loved her nonetheless), “I’m going out to the park for some air, maybe shoot some Content Cop, wanna join?”

Anisa replied with a yawn, “Yeah, sure. Let me make some coffee and we’ll go, unless you want to go out for dinner?” Ian responded with a content “sure.” followed by a “now or later?”

The final decision was that they’d go later, around 8:00 p.m., to an Italian diner, some place called Osteria Mozza. They had about an hour and a half before then, and so they walked. It didn’t take long, it was about 15 minutes worth of time. They held hands throughout the whole time, and Ian could’ve sworn he saw Joji sitting on the swings. He shrugged it off, though, and continued laughing and joking with Anisa. He couldn’t get rid of the feeling it  _ was _  Joji, and that something had been up, so he buried it in the back of his head. He gave a small sigh, and Aniza shot him a puzzled look. “Everything alright, dear?” She questioned. Ian told her about how he swore he saw Joji earlier, and Anisa suggests going back and looking. Ian takes up the offer, and they stroll to the swings, looking around for Ian’s old friend. They found him shortly after, earbuds in, swinging gently. Ian walked up, and tapped Joji on the shoulder. Joji jumped, and rushed to pause the music and rip out his ear buds. “O-oh, hey, um, how’s it.. How’s it going?” Joji stumbled over his words, almost as if he was scared. Ian shrugged it off. “Long time no see, buddy. I’m alright, how are you? We haven’t talked in a while.” Ian offered Joji a welcoming smile, and sat down on a nearby swing. He crossed his legs, and wrapped his arms around the chains.

“I’m okay, uh, I guess.” Again, stumbling over his words, Joji tried to find a quick response. “Sorry, I’m tired. Music is hard work, y’know,” he tried to laugh, but the sentence fell flat as soon as it came out. “Real hard work.” It came out as a regretful whisper, like he thought leaving it as “I’m okay” was a better option.

“You sure, man? You seem nervous or somethin’.” Ian showed only concern. Questions raced through his head, but he asked none. Anisa stood to the side, listening in, waiting for an opportunity to help the situation.

“Said I’m fine, Ian.” Joji snapped quietly. He mumbled a quiet apology after a few seconds.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s cool.” Ian replied. The three sat in awkward silence.

Anisa checked the time, 7:30 p.m. She gave Ian a small nudge, “Half an hour left, babe.”

Ian nodded. “I gotta go, George, but you can call if you want, any time.”

Joji nodded. “See ya, then.” It came out as a whisper.

And with that, Ian and Anisa were off, holding hands, joking around.


	3. Ch. 3, Anisa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1-minute long concerns and happy diner times.

Anisa wondered what had been up with Joji. From all the stories, he was always happy and joking. Had he changed? What changed, if yes?

What was wrong with him? She stopped caring eventually.

Ian and Anisa arrived at the diner around 8:10 pm, slightly later than they wanted, but it didn’t bug them. The earlier events were not discussed during dinner. They ordered a simple plate of pasta. Anisa wondered what was going through Ian’s head right now. He looked confused and focused, like he was trying to put together a puzzle and couldn’t find a spot for a certain piece.

“Ian, baby, everything alright? You seem… I dunno, confused, but focused. What’s got your mind stuck on it?” She asked. Concern dripped from every word. Her brows furrowed in slight frustration when Ian didn’t give an answer. “Ian, you there?” Anisa spoke a little louder this time. Still, she didn’t get an answer. Sighing, she decided she would leave him be. A yawn escaped her lips, and she nudged Ian. “I’m tired, babe. You wanna go home?” Ian finally emitted a response.

“Sure, I’ll bring the spaghetti home for tomorrow, I guess. Anisa nodded, and pecked Ian on the cheek. Ian smiled softly, and pulled out some cash, left it on the table, and grabbed a take-home box. The two walked out, again, hand-in-hand.


	4. Ch. 4, Joji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joji tries to relax, and relax he does.  
> Up to a certain point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughgr this is so short!!! also kinda filler bc i felt this was more important than ian/anisa's Dinner Time(tm) oosp  
> wanted to write more but dont want to spoil what happens hghfh

Joji was a thinker. This often ruined him mentally, maybe even emotionally.

Right now, he was thinking, and he hurt. He hurt so much, and nothing helped. Seeing Ian in a healthy relationship, and then comparing his life to Ian’s. It hurt, but he couldn’t help it and he didn’t want to  _ stop _ but he  _ needed to. _ And so, he silenced the terrible depths of his mind with music. He put on a playlist, one that had just the right amount of calm, sad, and happy. He hummed to the music, which, in time, gave in to beautiful notes flowing freely. He lost himself in the music, the rhythm, the beat. He got so lost in it all that he didn’t notice someone come up to him. The last thing he knew, it was way darker than before and he couldn’t breathe anymore

Maybe the park wasn’t so safe and relaxing after all.


	5. Ch. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An OC is introduced, and he isn't the defintion of friendly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oopS MY THUMB SLIPPED :3c

What the fuck,  _ stop fucking screaming! _ You’re making this harder than it needs to be, damn it. I’ll tie you up to the pole, and what happens next won’t be as pretty as you, bitch.

You’ll see why they don’t beg me to stop.


	6. Ch. 6, Chad

How did this even start?

Chad really had no clue, he simply had a text message from Ian at about 8:30 p.m., which read as follows:

_ Ian: Tell Max we aren't making it Joji disappeared _

He panicked, didn't question it, and  was currently on his way to Ian’s house, who would then relocate him and Anisa to his car, find Joji, stick him in with the group, and then go fly over to Australia and scare the fuck out of Max. At least, that’s the plan. They only told him they were coming over. Upon arrival, all he saw was two worried faces. The instant he stepped in, Ian started yelling at him “Where’s Joji?” and “He’s not answering the damn phone!” Chad could only respond with shrugs and murmured “I don’t fuckin’ know.” He explained that he didn’t even know Joji still lived in the area. After, he realized the smart thing to do. File a missing person report. He snatched his phone from his pocket, and dialed 911. After talking and explaining, the search began. He texted Max.

 

_ Chad: Hey dude, we might not arrive at all. Sorry _

_ Max: What happened _

_ Chad: Joji’s gone missing _

 

And with that, the conversation ended. Now, finding Joji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha get it finding nemo finding joji haha oops


	7. Ch. 7, Max

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Update, From Max.  
> A.K.A., anxiety isn't fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went over this alot and wondered "is this too ooc" but decided that, in the end, max /does/ have a thing for joj, and for all he knows joj is like dying or something so,  
> w/ love, anxiety ;3c

All Max knew was that Joji was gone, and Max was terrified. What the fuck happened that Joji would go missing? Last time Max checked, all Joji did was stay in his apartment and write (very good) music. He constantly spammed Chad’s phone, but to no avail. He debated on flying himself over to LA, but decided it wouldn’t be worth it. And so, he went to bed, confused and scared.

And he had a dream that night. A dream that he and Joji were okay, together, safe, and nothing was wrong. And his sleeping form smiled, a tiny smile of peace and comfort. And then the dream turned, twisted into something evil.  _ No!,  _ Max screamed.  _ Give him the fuck back, ya cunt! _ Joji was swept into some odd darkness, and Max was left to cry.

He woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and crying. “What the fuck what the fuck what the  _ fuck _ ?!” He shouted. And it was then that he decided he was flying to LA and finding Joji.


	8. Ch. 8, Chad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exploration of Joji's apartment begins, Chad starting the search. Realizations are also made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joji Apartment Exploration: Act 1 lmao

Chad knew Max spammed his phone, but he wasn’t going to bother answering him. What’s the point of telling Max if he wasn’t here? Chad recollected himself, and began thinking about where Joji might be, where he’s gone in the past, things like that.

He realized something he should’ve seen sooner.

Joji always went to Max’s place. He was always happy with Max.

Max was gone. Joji didn’t leave anymore. His depression got worse.

_ Why didn’t I fucking see this? _ Chad angrily thought. He yelled to Ian and Anisa, “I’ll be back,” and left without another word. Of course, he knew Ian would inevitably follow. Anisa, he wasn’t sure, but she probably might.

He set off, power walking to Joji’s house, while preparing himself to - likely - see a dead Joji, or at least, half alive. He hated himself. He hated Max. He hated Ian. But mostly Max, he left, he was the reason Joji could be fucking  _ dead _ right now.

He arrived faster than he thought. He tried the knob, and it surprisingly worked. He opened the door quickly, not wanting to waste time.  _ When you watch a movie, you  _ learn  _ from it, _ he told himself on almost a daily basis.

“Joji,” Chad called out. His voice echoed, and he didn’t like it. Not at all. “Joji, it’s okay, I’m here!” He was more firmer this time, and as the words flew out his mouth, so did his breath when he discovered Joji wasn’t home.

He wondered when Ian would arrive.


	9. Ch. 9, Ian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian takes control, after stressing, and leads them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weewoo now theyre Fake Police(tm)  
> i hate how short all the chapters are but writing short is kinda my talent oops srry

Ian burst through the door, distress written all over him. “What happened? Where’s-...” He fell silent. He took in everything around him, and it hit him. The mess, the cold, thefact that he could smell food rotting from the living room. The dust, if not to be rude then to agonize, only proved him moreso that the place was in the early stages of slight abandonment.

“He’s not here, is he?” Ian questioned, and he was so quiet he thought he was whispering, that he had strained his vocal chords.

Chad shook his head in response. “No sign of him having been here for a while, everything’s cold and the place echoes.”

Ian’s fear only grew worse. “Then where the fuck is he?!” He shouted. Why was he breaking over someone that never bothered to contact him or even say a simple, “Hey, how’s your day been?” God, he hated himself sometimes. But this was an old friend, he told himself. He couldn't even remember the last time he and Joji had actual done friend things together.

Ian screamed to Chad in a brilliant moment of realization, “C’mon, we’re hunting him down. Through the alleyways. Lord knows someone dragged him there.” Of course, he might also  _not_ be there, and going there might just be the extra few hours needed... He decided he didn't want to finish that thought, but it finished itself in the back of his head anyways.

Chad agreed, and they ran off to Ian’s car.  _ Thank God I’m not that dumb, _ Ian thought,  _ because if I were like the kids in the movies, we’d be fucked.  _ He silently hoped and prayed with every fiber of his being that they were right.


	10. Ch. 10, Joji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't going well, and that might even be an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hghgh im not familiar w/ the topics mentioned but from the fact that ive read some angst myself i kinda have an idea  
> ssksk anyways practice !! let me know if i could do better !! in general even tbh

_It’s so cold. Where am I?_ Joji shivered, then hugged himself tighter. _This is my fault, it’s_ all my fault. _If I didn’t run off I wouldn’t be here. Shit, I’ll probably die._ Everything overwhelmed him. He had cried for hours the first night, so hard and long he lost his voice and everything hurt. His eyes were still a very small shade of pink, so hard to see that you had to stare for a good moment or two. His whole face still felt puffy.

This one person, this single lunatic, they broke him. All in one day. First they kidnap him, then the death threats, then the hitting when he did anything wrong, then those disgusting comfort phrases. He tried to fight back, really, he did. He learned you don’t do that.

And there was the constant sex every night. He wished he could say he was okay with it - that it wasn't giving him trauma, alongside the abuse, it was torment. He only ever thought a few things anymore, and that was,  _Why me? When will it end?_ and  _Why does he try to soothe me?_ '

He never knew he could be so afraid, but here he was. Alone. Afraid. Anything could happen to him. There was a whole list of things, and God damn was he fucking scared.

There were others with him, unless he was gone already. It wouldn’t be surprising.

_Fuck, he’s back._

Joji panicked, but he knew that escape wasn't an option. He was tied to a fucking pole, for Christ's sake. And he was only allowed one meal every week, so tugging and fighting is out of the game.

"Hello," a low, menacing voice whispered.

Joji didn't remember anything after that.

-

When he finally awoke, he told himself that he deserved what was happening to him. That, because of what he's done, karma was biting back.

It bites back hard.


	11. Ch. 11, Max

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hghghh i went over this like three times to make sure i liked it oops

Max rushed out of the airport the instant he got to LA. He dialed Chad’s number, which took about 3 times with how fast he was going. People shot him strange looks, some even said “Hey, what the fuck?” when he pushed them over.

As soon as Chad picked up, Max instantly started rambling. “Hey, I’m in LA, where are you, come pick me up, where’s-” He was cut off by a sigh.

“I’m at some alleyway. I didn't really pay attention to directions or anything, though. What airport are you in? And we don’t know where Joji is.” Chad’s voice got quieter as he spoke the last sentence, to the point where he was whispering. Max’s heart sunk at the end. “Oh.” was all that came out.

Silence from the other end of the phone, and Chad cleared his throat.

"Oh- right- um." Max sighed. "LA Internation Airport."

“We’ll come get you, hold up.” Chad replied tiredly. He heard Chad tell Ian the airport, and the car start up. The last thing he heard before he  hung up was the car speeding off.

He started shouting to himself. He didn’t care about the looks he got. He didn’t care that it was getting late and that he needed to go. He didn’t care that the managers were probably going to yell at him. He didn’t fucking  _ care.  _ He knew now why Joji clung to him.

Sometimes, it takes a distance to understand someone. Other times, it takes (probably) a life.


	12. Ch. 12, 3rd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For once, serenity was allowed. Too bad it won't last longer than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah an pdate oguh  
> im sorru this took so long its just i never have energy left in me after scholl !!!!!! oops  
> but. i really like how this cme out. im trying to get bettr at practicin imagery n stff if thats the word idk lmao  
> but this was rlly nice 2 write an im happy w/ it and i hope yall r happy w/ it too

The trio drove through the quiet, dark road. The headlights were brighter at night, and they could see the short metal fence that lined the highway. The wind was soft, and the sky was a purple-tinted black. The stars were like white polka dots, and the clouds slowly skated across it all.

 

Max stared out the window, at the trees, into the darkness. It gave him a sense of serenity, like it was all going to be okay in the end.

But he knew this wasn’t a fairy tale, and everything might just damn well not be okay in the end. “I fucking hate this, you know.” He whispered to the world, the air, wherever the wind carried his words to. No one heard them except for him.

 

Chad cast a glance at him, so quick you wouldn’t even know he looked. But if you could freeze time, you’d see that he was worried, for Max, for Joji, for Ian, everyone. Nothing had been going well, everyone was rabid in thinking Joji had left, quit, commit suicide, some stupid fucking theory. It pissed him off, and he wanted to tell them, but it was up to Joji. He knew it shouldn’t be public, things would be more chaotic than before.

He left them with a “@sushitrash is taking a break, calm the fuck down” on Twitter. It calmed things down, but there were still questions.

Ian was calmed down from the drive, they always made him feel a little better. He was tired, but not from no sleep. He was tired from the anxiety, the thoughts, everything this struggle brought them. It put a weight on his shoulders, not that he was the only one.

But it felt like he was.

To say the least, this was going to be one of the few times he was actually calm and okay, if you take away the fact that he was like Atlas carrying the world on his back.

As a (probably bad) attempt to make things lighter, he brought up the Cake videos.

A gag from Max, a snort from Chad, and a smile from Ian. “I can still feel the hair in my throat, it’s like I have physical PTSD!” Max joked. the first part was, sadly (on his part), serious.

“We all relate, Max, quit your bitching.” Ian looked at him and smiled, then fixed his focus to the road again. “Finally, the exit decided to show up.”

There was a collective cheer, the clicking of Ian’s right turning signal, and the eternal sound of the car engine. Ian yawned, continued turning, and pulled over when he was off the exit. “Who’s taking over, I am dying of lack of sleep.” Chad volunteered, and they unbuckled, and switched seats.

 

Once they were back on the road, Ian was fast asleep, and Chad put on some Australian band he and Max shared interest in. They sang quietly together, but in the quiet of the night, it still sounded loud.

They eventually got back home, and (literally) threw Ian on the couch. Max then made his way to steal a blanket and a pillow from Chad, and set his makeshift bed on the living room floor. Chad slept in his bed. He felt kind of guilty that they didn’t have a bed, but it was only one night and Max wouldn’t sleep on the floor if he didn’t want to, he convinced himself.

The overwhelming sensation of tiredness overtook them all, one by one, like a murderer and his victims. Only, they weren’t the ones in danger of actual murder.


End file.
